Well, it all started out good...
Harrison's preschool graduation was this evening, so I've been kinda sad about it all day. Come on, my baby is going to BIG school next year and I don't like it! So, I'm already in a funk. Well, then Mark decides we need to discuss "JOBS" again...I don't want to talk about it...nobody's gonna pay you what you make now, nobody's gonna give you the benefits you have now...just pick one and run with it. Just tell me how to TRY to pay the bills. I'M OVER IT!!! So, that's when my mood went to worse. Everytime Mark brings up this job change, I get soooo ill and I get mad and I take it out on whoever happens to be in the way that day. I HATE THAT!
So, I'm mad. Then we start running bath water for the boys--water stops running. WTH??? We still don't know what caused it...the pump on the well has 65 lbs of pressure on it. The plumbing gods HATE us! We finally get the boys ready to go to H's graduation. We get there, H starts pitching a fit when it's time to go into the church. I 'bout have to drag him up the stairs. Then I take him back out to go around to his classroom and he falls and skins his other knee! (he'd fallen earlier at school!) Time comes for his little performance--lots of little kid songs and stuff. What does he do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! He stood up there with his head in his hands the WHOLE time! Every other kid was participating except him. I could have strangled him! Since I was already in a funk, I couldn't enjoy his graduation and accept it for what it was. I was snappy, and untalkative to friends, and just an all out BITCH! I hate being like that! My poor Harrison...this is how he's gonna remember this day...mom being mean and ugly....
So, after the boys were in bed, I told Mark he was just gonna have to make this job decision on his own because it makes me mad everytime we talk about it. I'm sorry, it just does. What kind of quality of life are we gonna have when we don't see him for 3 weeks at a time and we still have to struggle to make ends meet??? No vacations, no new clothes for the boys, nothing frivolous--which will probably mean no internet, no dish network, possibly even no preschool for Nevan next year. I had contemplated taking the boys to a sitter once a week during the summer, but that won't happen at $20 a kid/day! What am I gonna do with them all summer??? You can only go to the park so many times before you are completely bored to tears! And I can't take them all to the pool by myself.
Lord, I wish my Faith was stronger. Actually I think I've lost it! It wasn't very strong to begin with and now I think it's just gone....
3 comments:
Oh Jenny! I wish there was something I could say to put a smile on your face. I can not imagine how you feel! It is ok to be angry! Just try not to focus that anger on your dh or kids. I can only imagine how your dh is feeling! He probably feels helpless! Perhaps something better will come along! I don't know. Wish I had better news for you. I just wish I could come give you a hug!
I'm sorry you had such a rough day Jenny. Some days it doesn't seem like anything can go right. ((hugs)) It will get better. As much as it doesn't seem like it now, it will. I know it. :) There's no use in stressing out. If you ever need to chat/vent, I'm here. :)
Hey Jenny - We are here for you. Wish there was something more i could do. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this must be. Hang in there ! Hopefully it will all work out.
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