Another rough day...

Well, it all started out good...

Harrison's preschool graduation was this evening, so I've been kinda sad about it all day. Come on, my baby is going to BIG school next year and I don't like it! So, I'm already in a funk. Well, then Mark decides we need to discuss "JOBS" again...I don't want to talk about it...nobody's gonna pay you what you make now, nobody's gonna give you the benefits you have now...just pick one and run with it. Just tell me how to TRY to pay the bills. I'M OVER IT!!! So, that's when my mood went to worse. Everytime Mark brings up this job change, I get soooo ill and I get mad and I take it out on whoever happens to be in the way that day. I HATE THAT!

So, I'm mad. Then we start running bath water for the boys--water stops running. WTH??? We still don't know what caused it...the pump on the well has 65 lbs of pressure on it. The plumbing gods HATE us! We finally get the boys ready to go to H's graduation. We get there, H starts pitching a fit when it's time to go into the church. I 'bout have to drag him up the stairs. Then I take him back out to go around to his classroom and he falls and skins his other knee! (he'd fallen earlier at school!) Time comes for his little performance--lots of little kid songs and stuff. What does he do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! He stood up there with his head in his hands the WHOLE time! Every other kid was participating except him. I could have strangled him! Since I was already in a funk, I couldn't enjoy his graduation and accept it for what it was. I was snappy, and untalkative to friends, and just an all out BITCH! I hate being like that! My poor Harrison...this is how he's gonna remember this day...mom being mean and ugly....

So, after the boys were in bed, I told Mark he was just gonna have to make this job decision on his own because it makes me mad everytime we talk about it. I'm sorry, it just does. What kind of quality of life are we gonna have when we don't see him for 3 weeks at a time and we still have to struggle to make ends meet??? No vacations, no new clothes for the boys, nothing frivolous--which will probably mean no internet, no dish network, possibly even no preschool for Nevan next year. I had contemplated taking the boys to a sitter once a week during the summer, but that won't happen at $20 a kid/day! What am I gonna do with them all summer??? You can only go to the park so many times before you are completely bored to tears! And I can't take them all to the pool by myself.

Lord, I wish my Faith was stronger. Actually I think I've lost it! It wasn't very strong to begin with and now I think it's just gone....

Depressed

Yeah, that says it. I am sooooo down about this whole job thing. Mark keeps saying we're gonna be fine, "Oh, we can pay our bills on $30K a year." Um....I'm thinking NOT! We might pay the bills, but we won't be eating! Even if we can pay our bills (and eat) on that amount of money, what quality of life are we gonna have??? NONE! What's the point when you can't do anything enjoyable??? My poor boys are gonna be sooooo bored this summer with nothing to do. And when my scrappy stash runs out, what am I gonna do to keep semi-sane????? Especially since this "wonderful" $30K job will keep my husband away from us for 3 weeks at a time--I'm becoming a single mom on top of it!

I'm not sleeping. I've slept MAYBE 4 hours each night this week. I was still awake last night when Mark came home at 2 am! I wish instead that I wasn't eating! I need to lose a few pounds! And it would be one less person to feed. lol. We're going from middle class to POOR!

I think I'll go cry now........

One month...

until Mark is no longer employed in what used to be a stable workplace. I feel like we are being thrown to the dogs! Yes, Mark has several firm job offers, but they are driving a truck. He won't be home much, I'm afraid. He keeps saying he will, but I seriously doubt it. I hate that he's gonna miss part of his son's lives because he HAS to have a job and this is looking like the only option to get us anywhere NEAR what he makes now. Nevan is absolutely gonna be devastated--he asks me every night where daddy is. And when I tell him he's at work and he'll be home later, he just gets all upset because he wants him HERE!!! What am I gonna do with him when daddy's gone a week at a time? And not only do we have to weigh the pay between the offers, we also have to look at how much insurance is gonna cost us now. (we've not paid an insurance premium in 10 years!) There aren't any companies that pay insurance for their employees and familys now! I think DH is gonna be in for a BIG sticker shock when he finds out how much that's gonna cost us! I really don't think he has a clue.... Yeah, they say you're gonna make close to what you were a year, but subtract that insurance cost... we're gonna be eating beans everyday of our lives! I think the stress is really starting to get to me...I usually handle stress pretty well. But my stomach's been messed up all day and I've just felt BLAH. I just wanna curl up in a corner and be left alone. And we're waiting on our big Tax check. Sure would be nice to have that tomorrow. One big last HURRAH at the grocery store would be nice! Then the rest gets put in savings for when we need it to help pay the bills.

I really HATE this.......

Online crop!!!!

Check it out! Memorable Seasons is having their first ever online crop in observance of NSD!!! Check it out here! It's looking like it's gonna be LOADS of fun! Just found this site 2 days ago, and I'm HOOKED!!!

And in news on the homefront...Mark now has 2 jobs for the taking after he gets laid off--one with CR England Trucking the other with Swift Trucking. No decisions yet as to which one he might take, but Swift has their training in SC...CR England...in TX!!!! So SC looks good! LOL! We still have lots of questions and need to compare apples to apples before making a decision. But at least he has offers!! YAY!

Only 3 more weeks of Preschool...NOT looking forward to having ALL 3 kiddos home ALL day! YUCK! Where are the nerve pills???? And with gas at $3.56/gal, we can't just set off to someplace cool like we might have last summer...grrrrrrrr.

It's a beautiful day out today and if I had a lounge chair, I do believe I could just sit out there and BAKE!!! And nap, and just not give a hoot!!! LOL!