Another rough day...

Well, it all started out good...

Harrison's preschool graduation was this evening, so I've been kinda sad about it all day. Come on, my baby is going to BIG school next year and I don't like it! So, I'm already in a funk. Well, then Mark decides we need to discuss "JOBS" again...I don't want to talk about it...nobody's gonna pay you what you make now, nobody's gonna give you the benefits you have now...just pick one and run with it. Just tell me how to TRY to pay the bills. I'M OVER IT!!! So, that's when my mood went to worse. Everytime Mark brings up this job change, I get soooo ill and I get mad and I take it out on whoever happens to be in the way that day. I HATE THAT!

So, I'm mad. Then we start running bath water for the boys--water stops running. WTH??? We still don't know what caused it...the pump on the well has 65 lbs of pressure on it. The plumbing gods HATE us! We finally get the boys ready to go to H's graduation. We get there, H starts pitching a fit when it's time to go into the church. I 'bout have to drag him up the stairs. Then I take him back out to go around to his classroom and he falls and skins his other knee! (he'd fallen earlier at school!) Time comes for his little performance--lots of little kid songs and stuff. What does he do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! He stood up there with his head in his hands the WHOLE time! Every other kid was participating except him. I could have strangled him! Since I was already in a funk, I couldn't enjoy his graduation and accept it for what it was. I was snappy, and untalkative to friends, and just an all out BITCH! I hate being like that! My poor Harrison...this is how he's gonna remember this day...mom being mean and ugly....

So, after the boys were in bed, I told Mark he was just gonna have to make this job decision on his own because it makes me mad everytime we talk about it. I'm sorry, it just does. What kind of quality of life are we gonna have when we don't see him for 3 weeks at a time and we still have to struggle to make ends meet??? No vacations, no new clothes for the boys, nothing frivolous--which will probably mean no internet, no dish network, possibly even no preschool for Nevan next year. I had contemplated taking the boys to a sitter once a week during the summer, but that won't happen at $20 a kid/day! What am I gonna do with them all summer??? You can only go to the park so many times before you are completely bored to tears! And I can't take them all to the pool by myself.

Lord, I wish my Faith was stronger. Actually I think I've lost it! It wasn't very strong to begin with and now I think it's just gone....

Depressed

Yeah, that says it. I am sooooo down about this whole job thing. Mark keeps saying we're gonna be fine, "Oh, we can pay our bills on $30K a year." Um....I'm thinking NOT! We might pay the bills, but we won't be eating! Even if we can pay our bills (and eat) on that amount of money, what quality of life are we gonna have??? NONE! What's the point when you can't do anything enjoyable??? My poor boys are gonna be sooooo bored this summer with nothing to do. And when my scrappy stash runs out, what am I gonna do to keep semi-sane????? Especially since this "wonderful" $30K job will keep my husband away from us for 3 weeks at a time--I'm becoming a single mom on top of it!

I'm not sleeping. I've slept MAYBE 4 hours each night this week. I was still awake last night when Mark came home at 2 am! I wish instead that I wasn't eating! I need to lose a few pounds! And it would be one less person to feed. lol. We're going from middle class to POOR!

I think I'll go cry now........

One month...

until Mark is no longer employed in what used to be a stable workplace. I feel like we are being thrown to the dogs! Yes, Mark has several firm job offers, but they are driving a truck. He won't be home much, I'm afraid. He keeps saying he will, but I seriously doubt it. I hate that he's gonna miss part of his son's lives because he HAS to have a job and this is looking like the only option to get us anywhere NEAR what he makes now. Nevan is absolutely gonna be devastated--he asks me every night where daddy is. And when I tell him he's at work and he'll be home later, he just gets all upset because he wants him HERE!!! What am I gonna do with him when daddy's gone a week at a time? And not only do we have to weigh the pay between the offers, we also have to look at how much insurance is gonna cost us now. (we've not paid an insurance premium in 10 years!) There aren't any companies that pay insurance for their employees and familys now! I think DH is gonna be in for a BIG sticker shock when he finds out how much that's gonna cost us! I really don't think he has a clue.... Yeah, they say you're gonna make close to what you were a year, but subtract that insurance cost... we're gonna be eating beans everyday of our lives! I think the stress is really starting to get to me...I usually handle stress pretty well. But my stomach's been messed up all day and I've just felt BLAH. I just wanna curl up in a corner and be left alone. And we're waiting on our big Tax check. Sure would be nice to have that tomorrow. One big last HURRAH at the grocery store would be nice! Then the rest gets put in savings for when we need it to help pay the bills.

I really HATE this.......

Online crop!!!!

Check it out! Memorable Seasons is having their first ever online crop in observance of NSD!!! Check it out here! It's looking like it's gonna be LOADS of fun! Just found this site 2 days ago, and I'm HOOKED!!!

And in news on the homefront...Mark now has 2 jobs for the taking after he gets laid off--one with CR England Trucking the other with Swift Trucking. No decisions yet as to which one he might take, but Swift has their training in SC...CR England...in TX!!!! So SC looks good! LOL! We still have lots of questions and need to compare apples to apples before making a decision. But at least he has offers!! YAY!

Only 3 more weeks of Preschool...NOT looking forward to having ALL 3 kiddos home ALL day! YUCK! Where are the nerve pills???? And with gas at $3.56/gal, we can't just set off to someplace cool like we might have last summer...grrrrrrrr.

It's a beautiful day out today and if I had a lounge chair, I do believe I could just sit out there and BAKE!!! And nap, and just not give a hoot!!! LOL!

What DH found out...

DH went to a union meeting on Saturday. The layoff is gonna happen but they are trying to figure out what the exact number is gonna be. But, I don't think it's gonna be better for him if he gets to stay--even after the layoff, they were told that 1st shift will still only be working 2 weeks a month! So, I told him last night, that if it came down to it and he was gonna just happen to get to stay, to take voluntary layoff. At least that way, he can find another full-time job until things pick back up and he gets called back. We just can't make it with him drawing 2 weeks a month unemployment.

Anywho....I'm going to a big 2-day crop this weekend! Met a lady at Willow Traders who is also going. But she will only be there on Saturday. We are gonna try to find each other so we can "play" together! I love meeting online friends IRL! I'm hoping a get LOTS done at this crop...I've planned for probably 25 pages or so...I wanna get them ALL done!

Forgot to add!

Gave Pierson his first little bit of COW MILK today! Hope he does well with it...I didn't make him go cold turkey--just mixed his formula bottle with half formula and half cow milk.

Oh the rumors!!!

You really never know what to believe at DH's work...but of course all kinds of crap is flying around about this layoff. But, something interesting happened yesterday. A guy that DH worked with in another department was going to volunteer to be one of the ones that get laid off (some people do this--they probably have a side job or something!). So, he goes in the office to put in his request, and they tell him to wait because it's not set in stone.... Okay...

Well, the biggest rumor going around is that the layoff isn't happening because of the reasons given by the pres. (economy, low orders, etc.) that the greedy SOB's on first shift decided they didn't want to "share" their time/money with the guys on 2nd shift. (See, the union and company agreed last year to let 1st/2nd shift rotate weeks worked so that 2nd shift people wouldn't lose their jobs.) Which, I don't know how that could've happened without it going thru the Union. I could be wrong, but there are some greedy people there. What ticks DH off, is that Freightliner has always based layoffs (and everything else) on seniority. DH thinks (and I agree) that they should change this "strategy" and base layoff's on job performance and attendance! They would produce a better quality product because people would be held accountable for what is in their job description. DH's friend is on 1st shift and he said there are two women there that MIGHT do 8 hours work in a week! They are there strictly for the paycheck. I guess they aren't held accountable, so they don't do what they are supposed to and when the truck comes off the line, it has to go to Off Line to have the parts put on that are missing! No wonder Off Line hasn't missed a day's work since all the layoff's started last year! HEck, they get OVERTIME!
And Freightliner employees with 10 years of service get 3 weeks paid vacation, I don't know how much sick time (I think 40 hours--which can be rolled over to the next year), a week off at July 4th and Christmas, plus a 4-day weekend at Thanksgiving. There are guys there who have used ALL this time plus 40, 50, 60 hours more!!! And they STILL have a job! That is CRAZY! I know no job I ever held worked that way! I think this issue should be addressed the next time their Union contract is up! Since their union is 90% 2nd shift workers, they could decide how the lazies with more seniority have to DO their job to keep it!

I'm not getting my hopes up about there NOT being a layoff--preparing for the worst, hoping for the best!